do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
