Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
