Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
