I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
