Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
