true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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