Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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