i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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