hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
