your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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