yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
grandma shit on top of the toilet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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