oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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