Can Purell be used as lube?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
