wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
