oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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