he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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