I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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