You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
