So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
