Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There r osticjed everywhere
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
