We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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