please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
