Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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