I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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