apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
