kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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