It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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