I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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