All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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