seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
