you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
