I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
