hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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