Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
