oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
