i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
