There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
