Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
