he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
