I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
