well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
