thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
