and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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