mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
