she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
