found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
