I could make wine with my vomit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
