Actions speak louder than pants.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
