i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
