Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
