Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize