Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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