you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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