Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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