I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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