How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
