If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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