He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
