my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
