Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize