that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you traded sex for a burrito?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
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