If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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