You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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