dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
