Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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