don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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