Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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