My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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