I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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