I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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